“I didn’t see no squirrel, man. Don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“No squirrel?” he echoed, staring blankly at the transformed Scrat. Apparently, there was a guy in a squirrel suit, at least.
Wait a minute…
“I thought there weren’t any humans around here,” he said, trying to sound casual.
“Probably better anyways. Means ya ain’t got much reason to drink yerself silly, huh?” He snickered, razor sharp teeth curling into a jolly grin. As the repairman explained himself further, it slowly began to fall as his eyes narrowed in thought. The oni scratched his neck as he tried to process this strange information. So some kind of superior being or whatever was breaking this wall? He leaned forward, resting his head on his hand. “Yer gods must be into some real kinky shit if they’re gonna bust down walls to spy on other folks when they,re alone… Then making one of their own clean the mess. Don’t think I’ve ever heard of more disrespectful shit in my life. Still, I can see why someone would follow that sorta ideology ‘n faith. Be hella nice to just knock on the doors of yer makers and ask fer some kinda explanation to the mess, no matter how dumb it is. Comfort in knowing, yeah?”
Arz paused when he felt a faint wind rush through the air. A nearby sign that hung above the door suddenly clattered to the ground from the force of it, its old chains finally losing its strength after years of abandonment.
“Agh what a dump this dried out city is…” He muttered to himself, shaking his head. “Folks don’t usually stop by a place like this, not unless they ain’t got nowhere else to go. So what’s yer story then? Aside from master maid, I mean. Ya remember how ya ended up here or what?”
“…Actually, I don’t think they really do that much,” the Repairman replied. “It’s mostly the folks on this side that break the Wall.”
“…Comfort in knowing…” he echoed, mulling it over as he took another sip. He wasn’t normally the kind to discuss philosophy(theology?…artistry?…cartooniology?), but, what the hey, he was already talking about his job; why not go on?
Turning back to the other, he conceded, “Yeah, that could be it.”
He jumped a bit as the sign fell. Gosh, he never really noticed how deserted this place was. The Repairman was used to arriving after the fact, but this place looked like the fact’s grandchildren moved away years ago.
“Um…” he replied, rubbing his hand behind his head, “…I don’t really know how I get from place to place…”
He looked up, trying to think.
“I sorta just go in one direction. Next thing I know, I’m in the world I wanted to go to.”
Oh, dear. He really wasn’t used to asking these kinds of questions. Maybe it’d be best to show this guy.
“Something like this,” he said, getting up. He began sauntering in one direction, expecting to soon end up back in ToonTown, and then come back.
Arz looked to the strange contraption. Oh, these things. He’s seen them in Lucas’ bag. “Eh, kinda big but it’s better than just using yer hands,” he added, before withdrawing the gourd that hung from his belt and popping off the cork. Arz beckoned to the Repairman as he moved to the nearest building, but instead of opening the door, he simply stood under a the remains of a broken thatch roof before plopping himself on the ground. The oni was generous with sharing his drink, perhaps a bit too much so. It was well over half full once the oni withdrew the container. Placing the mouth on his lips, he took a hearty swig himself before exhaling deeply. “Real shame that some folks don’t take up casual drinking more often. And I ain’t talking a full on party, as fun as those are. The fragrance of a good rice harvest, the smooth warmth as it goes down yer throat… It’s history in a sip.” Despite his size and physically intimidating appearance, he handled his gourd carefully as he placed it on the ground in front of him. Red eyes looked over to the repairman, inspecting his features. “Gotta say though, ‘Fourth Wall Repairman’ is kind’v a mouthful. And don’t make a lick’v sense to me… What kinda shady carpenters ya got in yer world if they don’t build four walls in a house? ” He placed a claw on his chin, tapping it lightly in thought. Eventually, the large man snapped his fingers as an idea lit up his face. “Imma call ya ‘Tinker’ from here on out! Whatcha think?”
Looking at his semi-liquid hands, the Repairman couldn’t help but agree it was better to have a cup. He considered this as he followed the creature to the wall, and sat down next to him.
“I don’t really drink that much, myself,” he admitted. “Or party much, really. Just didn’t have the time.”
While he wasn’t sure how he could possibly do it with any liquid, he took a sip.
He chuckled as the other speculated about the Repairman’s job. Whether it was the pride or the liquor (he was a Toon, after all), he was feeling a little looser about explaining it.
“No, no, the Fourth Wall’s what separates us from….” he began, considering his next words, “…the people who make and watch us.”
He took another sip as he continued, “Dunno what kind of house only has three walls, but that would get a bit drafty, huh?”
He coughed. “But yeah, you could call me Tinker. Not like I have a name anyway; what do I care?”
“Nah, I think I’ve got it under control, as far as directions’re concerned,” Bruce said with a shrug. “But thanks. Now ye take care ‘f yerself, aye?” the great white asked. “No more gettin’ stuck in giant robots, at least not without me there to help ye,” he added with a chuckle.
“All right,” he shrugged. The 80’s weren’t too hard to find, anyhow.
He laughed with Bruce, saying, “Yeah, I’ll try. Good luck!”
“Made fer it?” Arz mused, tilting his head slightly. He let out a small hum in thought before clapping his hands together. “Oh! I get ya! I got a buddy who’s made fer a job, too. So then if yer working on something yer whole life then that makes ya a master maid, huh?” Arz hit the ground with the palm of his hand as he let out a full bellied laugh. It seemed a bit fast, but the scary face lit up into something more cheerful and vivid. His intimidating air suddenly became one of joy. The oni sat upright before leaning forward and looking down to the cartoon inkblot. “I’ll be damned! Too many years in the land’v the living and I ain’t ever met a master maid. So? What they call ya? And what brings ya all the way in the middle’v nowhere? Hate to break it to ya, but Ooe’s kinda been off the radar fer a while now. It’s like tending to a dead man’s house at this rate. Yer better off saving yer tools fer bigger and messier jobs, ya know?” The oni snapped his fingers before pointing a claw at the Repairman. “But if ya got a glass in that fancy cart yer hauling, yer free to share a drink with me. Trust me, yer gonna need it here.”
“Master…” the Repairman echoed. The oddity of being called a maid escaped his mind completely, to be replaced with a sense of pride. He even found it easy to miss the joke, despite the laughter.
“I’m the Fourth Wall Repairman,” he replied. In any other situation, he would at least try to be careful with that information, but he was too flattered to consider that now. “I’m just checking this place, really.”
He looked around as the other described Ooe. “Looks like it. Gotta be sure though.”
Looking back up at the other, he realized a stop to the local bar might give him a better clue to the Fourth Wall’s overall state than just wandering around would. He dug into his blue toolbox and eventually pulled out an empty thermos.
“Will this work?”
“Huh, sorta like ‘ow I was once, eh?” Bruce asked, giving a gentle chuckle as he arched a brow at the repairman. “So, I take it ye ‘ave somewhere to be, eh? Someone else kickin’ down the fourth wall somewhere else?” the shark inquired, glancing at the light glared brightly.
“Yeah…” he sighed, looking back at Bruce. He did need to get back to work. But still…
“You need directions before I go?” he asked. It was the least he could do.
“The 80s? Ye mean there ain’t any more recent edutainment Toons? At least, anythin’ that’s still bein’ viewed by people these days?” Bruce asked, wondering if traveling through some battle-robot ridden grounds was worth the effort. People still had televisions; surely there were humans out there willing to learn important issues.
“Oh, there are,” the Repairman replied. “I just know of more from then than from now.”
As he adjusted his grip on his cart, he continued, “I think the newer ones just live in their worlds, and don’t talk directly to viewers as often.” His eyes went up to his siren light. “At least, that’s my guess.”
The eight foot tall oni sat in silence as he stared at the toon before him, narrowing his red eyes as he inspected him. Of course, he never meant any harm despite his suspicions. After all, while guests were rare crossing the boarders to world, they were never unwelcome by the tribes in the mountains. To see a newbie after so long was a nice surprise.
But that didn’t change the fact that his bone crushing teeth, rock smashing arms, and monstrous appearance made him look absolutely terrifying.
“I don’t get yer shtick,” the oni flat out stated, uncrossing his arms before hopping back on his feet. “Ya sure travel with a lot’v tools… Are ya supposed to be a traveling maid ‘r some shit? Seems kinda weird that yer willing to crawl through hell’s anus just to clean up a mess, yeah?”
The Repairman blinked in surprise. He had never been called a maid before; he was more used to either handyman-related names or inkblot-related ones.
Still, he wasn’t sure what this massive creature was up to (or even what he was, for that matter), so he decided not to press that issue. Even so, he had to say something to defend his job, so he said, “It’s easier when you’re made for it.”
Whether or not this was true, the Repairman couldn’t really say, but it was nice to think it was.
“Edutaintment?” the great white asked, arching a brow before his realization of the word’s origin swept over him, and he let out a partially amused snort. “Right… Well, I certainly ‘ope so. As far as news goes, it ain’t gettin’ any better. Lots ‘f species ‘ave been added to the endangered list, and fishin’ ‘asn’t dropped ‘nough for ‘em to recovery anytime soon.”
“Well,” the Repairman said, “if you want to talk to them, I think several of them are in that 80’s area.” He tapped his siren light knowingly. “PSAs were all the rage back then, you know.”
Thinking about it, he continued: “Just be careful; there were a LOT of battle robots at that time. Other than that, you should be able to tell the group after a quick ‘not what it seems’ moment.”
“Yeah, it was a box that had some of my stuff in it.” She thought about where she had hid it, it had to be somewhere around here. It couldn’t be any deeper in the wood though, as she wasn’t allowed to go that far anymore.
“All right,” he said, packing the shrink ray back into his toolbox. Looking into it, he had an idea. He pulled out an oversized red horseshoe magnet. “If any of your stuff is metal, you’ll see it soo–ACK!” The magnet flipped and flew towards the Repairman’s cart, affixing the inkblot to it. He gave an embarrassed laugh as he looked back at the rabbit.
Siblings-a-Fixin' 