The Repairman turned to face the weasel, oblivious to the fact that this was the Toon Patrol.
“I’ve been fixing them all my life! It’s my job! What….Who…Why…”
He shook his head and thrust an arm towards the screen.
“You can ask anyone, I fix it!”
His eyes widened as he realized the problem. Lifting up a bucket of cement, he turned towards the Wall.
“At any rate,” he muttered, sheepishly, “I fix my own mistakes too.”
Arz fell and fell and fell and fell and–
SNAP
Not only did he go through the tiny trampoline, but he sent springs flying everywhere at dangerous speeds. It went into logs, into flower fields, one even stuck itself into the edge of the hole. Thankfully, none seemed to have struck the Repairman. Instead, it struck a branch and sent it tumbling to the ground. The branch then hit a random bird on the head, spooking it and sending it flying away from danger. What the bird didn’t realize was that, in its panic, it flew straight for the oni’s face, sending him into a confused daze as he flailed his arms about in hopes of stopping whatever was keeping him this way.
He eventually gripped onto something metalic and relatively flexible, feeling himself come to a stop. Arz spit out the bird, watching as it fluttered away as he looked up above. There was a strange hole in the air, one that bore a striking resemblance to the one down below. The oni began to piece everything together when he saw the spring he held in a iron grip began to spring upwards.
“Ha…?” was all he could manage before he was sent flying once more, this time in the opposite direction. His movement curved outward as he felt his body pivot to the left. Almost sadistically, he soared in a perfect arc just over the Repairman’s head before striking the earth, leaving a comedic outline of his figure in the ground.
There was a muffled scream after the dust settled. Despite all the blows he took, Arz quickly got back up on his feet, throwing his fist in the air as he cheered in excitement.
“WAAAAAHOOO!!!” He yelled out, jumping in the air before slamming both his feet on the ground. They left somewhat of a dent in the dirt and may have caused a slight rumble, but he was too wrapped up in his joy to notice anything. “Hot damn! I ain’t ever had a ride that crazy since… Since I ‘unno how many years! This is better than any fancy screamer cart machine Sunshine and Roxy’s ever tried to sneak me on!”
Arz grinned, pointing a clawed finger at himself as he stared at the Repairman with red eyes.
“This’s a hell’va world ya got here, Tinker! I can get used to a place as lively as this!”
The Repairman flinched as springs were flung every which way. His body instinctively stretched and squashed in an exaggerated manner to dodge. Being blobbish, and ashamedly formless, this came without much difficulty.
He looked up at the now-suspended character. He knew what was about to happen. Still, he felt an old comedic compulsion to stretch out his arms in an attempt to catch the guy. As he flew, the Repairman rushed to try to assist him.
What the Repairman failed to notice was that the spring had been flung too, and it was heading toward him at an alarming speed. At least until—
“OW!”
His arms lay on the ground. How embarrassing.
Making passing glances at the crater to ensure his companion was still in it, he sprouted a couple of new arms and picked up the fallen ink. He didn’t exactly like being reminded of his formless…form, but at least he could pull himself together easily.
He had the ink cradled in his arms when he turned and saw the other leap out, nearly dropping it all when he landed.
“Aha, yeah,” replied the Repairman, frantically trying to get the ink back in him (or at least hide it), “it can get pretty crazy here!”
Ace jumped once he was able to get a good looks at his guest; he certainly hadn’t been expecting a blob… thing. Still, if it was peaceful and intelligent, there was no need to attack either. Ace nodded, eyes following the newcomer warily. “Who… what are you?” He had never seen anything similar to the toon.
The Repairman was certainly expecting a reaction, but thankfully this one was not a call to arms. A rolled-up newspaper had nothing on a prophesized blade.
Well, he might as well tell this camper. He did offer warmth and a brief rest, after all.
“I’m the Fourth Wall Repairman,” he said, calmly, “and I’m a Toon! How ‘bout you? Why are you here?”
He pulled his toolbox up to the fire and sat on it. Might as well.
The Heroes’ ghosts were trying to give the Fourth Wall a break- or more specifically- a break from all the breaking. With the next wave of DLC for Hyrule Warriors Legends not due for at least a month, and hype for Breath of the Wild in a lull for hopefully the rest of the year, it shouldn’t be hard to do. Being dead meant that all of a sudden they were quite aware of it’s existence, and the world that lay beyond it was just so tempting! But, with great power came great responsibility, or so they were told. And so, knowing the Wall was there in the first place for a damn good reason, they had tried to patch it up a little after all the abuse it had taken in the past few months.
Green and Vio came by for a routine check on the Wall, well aware that if it crumbled entirely baaaaad things would happen. Unlike most of their chekups, however, they were surprised to find an… inky… thing… ripping down the duct tape that kept their entire reality safe from certain doom.
“What are you doing!?!?! Do you know what that is? Stop! Stop or we’ll all be in terrible danger!!!” Vio screeched once the urgency of the situation registered over his shock.
Green didn’t waste time trying to reason with the thing, instead opting to grab the blob by it’s shoulders and pull it away before it was too late. Or at least, he tried. Stupid ghost physics!
“Of course I know what it is!” he snapped. The nerve! The Fourth Wall Repairman, not knowing what the Fourth Wall is!
He was about to turn around to face the speaker, when he felt a slight chill. Ghosts? He turned around and, yep, two ghosts were apparently behind this travesty.
“Oh, like how you endangered the Wall in the first place?!” the Repairman continued, unfettered by the spectral form of his apparent competitors. He made a show of pulling another strip of duct tape down. "As the certified Fourth Wall Repairman, I think it’s only right that I fix it!“
He pulled a cart from offscreen. It was old and beat-up, but it still moved quickly to his side. It had a red toolbox on the top shelf, and a blue one on the bottom. Both looked nearly as faded as the cart they sat on. The Repairman opened the red one, obnoxiously loud clatters emanating from it as he rooted for something. He pulled out a bucket of cement, a trowel, and a roll of duct tape. Putting all of them in one arm, he turned back to the Wall without a word.
The Repairman was not a complete stranger to Hyrule. He didn’t go there frequently, but he did pay a visit every now and again. He felt he at least had a decent grasp on this world.
Yet, he was surprised to find that duct tape apparently existed in this world. And was being used to fix the Wall.
The Repairman began to visibly redden as he began taking the duct tape down. One could barely hear him grumble “…tryin’ to take my job… duct tape… what a joke…”
He wondered who would constantly be breaking the Wall in Hyrule of all places. Clearly a bunch of charlatans, given their attempts to cover it up. The Repairman sighed, and made a mental note to get the cement, trowel, and some duct tape as he peeled off the so-called “handiwork” of some vandals.
Following behind, Arz wondered where this strange person would take him. He couldn’t help but notice that the entire scenery suddenly began to shift. Like a slide show, the scenery of the empty city faded to one of bright, saturated colors. It was so surreal, like he stepped into another dimension all together.
The oni stopped behind the repairman and waved his hands in front of his face. Even his movement was affected by whatever this place had going for it. It all seemed strangely less fluid, like he was faster than ever. Arz blinked as he took in the strange land. So not only was this a master maid, but also some kind of high level traveler to just walk through worlds at will. He was becoming more and more fascinated by this stranger.
“So if ya can travel just by walking one way…” Arz began, cracking his knuckles before taking a few steps away from the Repairman. A wide, toothy grin lip up his face. “What’ll happen if we go down below?”
With inhuman strength, the oni punched the earth below and dug his hands deep into the dirt. Once his claws got a good grip on the mass of dirt, he ripped it clean off before tossing it aside. The hole below was deep and pitch black, something Arz wasn’t expecting really. Typically it would take a lot more than that to create a hole. This world’s laws of reality certainly were strange, even for him. Without a second thought, Arz canonballed into the hole as he let out a cry of excitement.
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaa…”
Suddenly the repairman was left alone in silence before the oni’s voice could be heard from above, still thrilled to be falling so far. Over and over again the oni fell in an endless loop.
“… aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa….”
“… aaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaa….”
“….”
“….Okay!”
“I’m done now!”
“Shit make it stop!”
“I dunno, I haven’t–” was all the Repairman could say before the ground began shaking.
“Wha–!”
He turned around to find the other one had dug a hole in the ground.
“What are you…”
He looked down as the other jumped.
“…doing.”
He quickly pulled back, his gaze following the endless loop that was happening. It was almost hypnotic, really.
Of course, he snapped out of it as the other began panicking. He hastily looked around. He had left his cart back in…was it called Ooe? Anyway, he quickly saw a dumpster.
This would either turn out really well or really, really awful. He braced himself for the worst and opened the lid. He was pleased to see that someone had discarded some old trampoline. And it still looked good! He clambered in and picked it up. Judging by toon physics, he tossed it in the general direction of the hole and climbed back out.
He watched the other, seeing if the trampoline would work. It was a little on the small side…
His answer surprised Ace who was unused to a friendly answer at night in the desert. “Passing through? Alone at night in the desert? Your know that’s when most bandits roam right?” Bandits were worse than thieves, thieves only took your stuff, bandits took everything. He tried to peer pass the fire once more, but couldn’t see much than a dark shape. Between the bandits trying to ambush people in the dark and the frigid cold, the desert was as inhospitable during the night as the day.
Ace wasn’t one to offer a place at his camp at night, but this stranger had his interest, what type of person would travel alone at night? Not even a wagon from what he heard. “Why don’t you come warm up?” he offered, poking the fire a little bit and sending sparks flying. “I promise I’m not a bandit.”
“Oh, really?”
The Repairman looked around. He had seen some tough-looking people on his way here, but he found that in most universes like this, “enemies” tended to ignore him. He tended to ignore them back.
All the same, he wouldn’t want them to get any ideas. He dragged his toolbox closer to him, looking around to see if any bandits followed for it.
He was about to move closer to the fire, but hesitated. He was still a blob in a fantasy setting. Bandit or not, that’s not the best impression.
Still, he did feel a bit of ‘Toony frost on him (not good for a liquid body), and he did need to set his toolbox down for a minute.
“All right,” he said, finally. “Thanks.” And with that, he began dragging his toolbox into the camp, happy to be warm again.
Ace poked at his fire with a stick and sighed. Really he had wanted to make camp earlier before the sun had set and the sands cooled, but he had been waylaid by some quick sand. A snake cooked over the fire and he watcheed it carefully. His head snapped up as he heard the sound of approaching footsteps. “What do you want? You’re in the middle of a desert at night, what could you possibly want from me?” He turned towards the noise, though it was hard to see past the light of the fire.
Thunk. Thunk.
The Repairman could swear his red toolbox wasn’t always this heavy. He found himself having to lift it, set it down, and then lift it again, like an overfilled garbage bag. Being a Toon, he at least had a decent rhythm going with it. All the same, he looked forward to having time to fix his cart.
As he moved through the desert, he saw a light. Someone had a camp going.
He began to move slower, hoping whoever was camping wouldn’t notice him passing by. No such luck.
“Nothing, nothing,” he called. “Just passing through.”
He wasn’t about to show himself, though. He suspected the stranger wouldn’t take too kindly to a small blob; most heroes in universes like this didn’t.
“Well, who might you be? You almost look like those blob things that wonder around the lab. I think one of Dr. Cortex’s former colleagues made them, I wouldn’t know.”
“Uh…”
The Repairman doubted he could pass as one of those blobs. Especially since his siren light was blinking and he was feeling more exhausted than normal. He sighed, silently hoping this wouldn’t cause too many issues.
“…I’m the Fourth Wall Repairman,” he said, unenthusiastically. “Please don’t ask.”
“Uh…” he wasn’t sure what to say, he wasn’t exactly the best liar. Mostly because he never speaks. “I-I was just looking for some stuff around here. Human stuff, you know. Also would like to add I’ve been a human all my life.”
“O…kay?” the Repairman replied, cocking an eyebrow. “You need help looking for this…human stuff?”
After taking a moment to look at this person, he asked, “What kind of stuff? You lose a part of that costume?”
Siblings-a-Fixin' 