A few moments later, the Repairman came strolling down. He seemed unusually cheerful, bobbing his head from side to side and humming “Who Stole the Kishka” to himself.
“Oh hey,” he called out, waving to Beep, Light, and Albie. “How are you guys—”
He stopped, realizing two things. One, Beepsumu was in a tear in the void, and wasn’t part of this world anyhow. Two, the break in the Wall he was coming to fix was amongst all of them.
“…All right,” he sighed, “what happened?”
//shit, who do I reblog this from?
“Um, I don’t know, but maybe we should be going now…”
//and pass up all this nonsensical fun? Ha!
“Um- I don’t think that’s a good idea!”
//Mun chucks a pile of lit firecrackers into the group. Also, there is a copious lack of chicken dancing going on. Light, entertain me!
“No”
//too bad!
Light starts chicken dancing, as do all the other ghost heroes with aversions to certain bird species.
It was then that Susumu realized she could do anything that she wanted.
“Hey, Misfits! I feel like making a dance group, and you’re gonna join me!”
“Sorry, Susumu, I’d love to, but I’ve gotta fix this tear…”
“TOO LATE”
It wasn’t long before Susumu and the Misfits were back in their Heishi outfits, dancing about to some sort of J-Pop music.
[[Chickens huh this give me an idea, Shalbie hold this]]
“ Why am I holding a Cucco?”
[[Not just any cucco its an angry cucco, that was woken up thanks to Loafus’s attack on Albie, have fun!]]
“Why did you bring an angry cucco into this?”
“ wait I’m a shadow Cuccos can’t harm shadows!”
[[You sure? because look at this little guy over here…]]
“Huh?…”
“clu..clu… Cluck!”
“No way…. AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
both cuccos are now loose
Little did the Repairman know that it wasn’t a nondescript, copyright-free liquor in that bottle, but something from a magic shop from who-knows-where. Were he more willing to inspect the “XXX” label, he would see it was a sticker obscuring the actual name: “Potion of Kiroh Siin”.
After taking a few sips from the brown bottle, the inkblot failed to notice that he wasn’t getting any less sober and a faint bit of mist was emanating from his head.
“Well, here goes.”
And then, somehow, the legless blob thing tripped on his way over to Albie. Upon impact with the ground, he let out an “oof” and a fireball flew from his hand into a nearby wall, adding even MORE fire to the already firecracker-and-bird-infested problem.
Somewhere in the distance, a table giggled to itself.
//Now why didn’t I think of that? Hey boys, the ghosts of cuccos past have a bone to pick with you.
Suddenly, a whole flock of angry ghostly cuccos appear and start chasing after the boys, murder in their beady eyes.
“YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!”
*high pitched squeak*
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
//Hey Susumu, I think you need confetti canons for your dance group. Here!
*confetti canons poof into existence and start launching enough confetti into the air to put NYC on New Year’s to shame*
Hmm…now the Repairman’s new fire powers seemed kind of… quaint. Now I need some ideas…
Hmmm…
Oh! Suddenly, the Repairman has bird seed mixed in his ink, and retroactively, the potion was laced with Susumu-brand Carrot Pox Poison.
As several of the birds began to pursue and peck at the inkblot, all he saw were several tiny cake mixers trying to stir him away.
He threw fireballs everywhere, trying to scream for help, but all that came out was “CARAMEL STOPWATCHES FLOAT NEAR THAILAND AT 3 PM!!!!”
A few moments later, the Repairman came strolling down. He seemed unusually cheerful, bobbing his head from side to side and humming “Who Stole the Kishka” to himself.
“Oh hey,” he called out, waving to Beep, Light, and Albie. “How are you guys—”
He stopped, realizing two things. One, Beepsumu was in a tear in the void, and wasn’t part of this world anyhow. Two, the break in the Wall he was coming to fix was amongst all of them.
“…All right,” he sighed, “what happened?”
//shit, who do I reblog this from?
“Um, I don’t know, but maybe we should be going now…”
//and pass up all this nonsensical fun? Ha!
“Um- I don’t think that’s a good idea!”
//Mun chucks a pile of lit firecrackers into the group. Also, there is a copious lack of chicken dancing going on. Light, entertain me!
“No”
//too bad!
Light starts chicken dancing, as do all the other ghost heroes with aversions to certain bird species.
It was then that Susumu realized she could do anything that she wanted.
“Hey, Misfits! I feel like making a dance group, and you’re gonna join me!”
“Sorry, Susumu, I’d love to, but I’ve gotta fix this tear…”
“TOO LATE”
It wasn’t long before Susumu and the Misfits were back in their Heishi outfits, dancing about to some sort of J-Pop music.
[[Chickens huh this give me an idea, Shalbie hold this]]
“ Why am I holding a Cucco?”
[[Not just any cucco its an angry cucco, that was woken up thanks to Loafus’s attack on Albie, have fun!]]
“Why did you bring an angry cucco into this?”
“ wait I’m a shadow Cuccos can’t harm shadows!”
[[You sure? because look at this little guy over here…]]
“Huh?…”
“clu..clu… Cluck!”
“No way…. AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
both cuccos are now loose
Little did the Repairman know that it wasn’t a nondescript, copyright-free liquor in that bottle, but something from a magic shop from who-knows-where. Were he more willing to inspect the “XXX” label, he would see it was a sticker obscuring the actual name: “Potion of Kiroh Siin”.
After taking a few sips from the brown bottle, the inkblot failed to notice that he wasn’t getting any less sober and a faint bit of mist was emanating from his head.
“Well, here goes.”
And then, somehow, the legless blob thing tripped on his way over to Albie. Upon impact with the ground, he let out an “oof” and a fireball flew from his hand into a nearby wall, adding even MORE fire to the already firecracker-and-bird-infested problem.
Somewhere in the distance, a table giggled to itself.
A few moments later, the Repairman came strolling down. He seemed unusually cheerful, bobbing his head from side to side and humming “Who Stole the Kishka” to himself.
“Oh hey,” he called out, waving to Beep, Light, and Albie. “How are you guys—”
He stopped, realizing two things. One, Beepsumu was in a tear in the void, and wasn’t part of this world anyhow. Two, the break in the Wall he was coming to fix was amongst all of them.
“…All right,” he sighed, “what happened?”
//shit, who do I reblog this from?
“Um, I don’t know, but maybe we should be going now…”
//and pass up all this nonsensical fun? Ha!
“Um- I don’t think that’s a good idea!”
//Mun chucks a pile of lit firecrackers into the group. Also, there is a copious lack of chicken dancing going on. Light, entertain me!
“No”
//too bad!
Light starts chicken dancing, as do all the other ghost heroes with aversions to certain bird species.
It was then that Susumu realized she could do anything that she wanted.
“Hey, Misfits! I feel like making a dance group, and you’re gonna join me!”
“Sorry, Susumu, I’d love to, but I’ve gotta fix this tear…”
“TOO LATE”
It wasn’t long before Susumu and the Misfits were back in their Heishi outfits, dancing about to some sort of J-Pop music.
He said nothing for a moment, until a mysterious table walked up to him and handed over a card. The Repairman nodded as the table also left a large bottle labeled only “XXX”.
As the table disappeared just as oddly as it had arrived, the inkblot pulled out a yellow rotary phone and began to dial the number he just got.
“…Hello? Is this Cyriak’s Home for the Suddenly Surreal?…Yeah, hi. This is the Fourth Wall Repairman…No, I’m not checking in just yet…Listen, a few friends of mine have suddenly started acting…odd, and I was wondering–Oh? Okay…”
He held the phone up for a moment, so the clerk on the other end could hear everything.
“…So how bad is it?” he asked, after putting it back up against the side of his head. “Oh. I see…no, you’re not getting an address– Look, I can’t just send them there…”
He sighed, and picked up the bottle.
“…I understand,” he finally said. “If I can’t fix this, I’ll call you after the hangover…Yes. Thank you. Yes. Yeah. Yep. Goodbye.”
Click.
“Wait, did you say you see people there? Let me see!”
Link walked past Sparky as he was pulled away, curiousity getting the best of him. He did end up seeing the three people on the other side. Their faces were hard to make out, but something caught his attention in one of them.
“H-Hey! The big one back there’s got the triforce on her clothes! What kind of–”
Before the hero could finish his question, a frying pan was thrown at his face. Thinking quick, Link ducked down, narrowly avoiding disaster. Before he knew it, there were an array of pots, pans, cutting boards, dishes, and the like being chucked at the hero in particular.
“This isn’t a joke you know you can kill–”
“Oh goddesses!”
Link had to jump out of the way to dodge the incoming wooden work desk. It broke into pieces once it struck the ground. Albie looked up to the crack in the wall, his face going pale as he heard the other shout in a strange language.
“What the heck… Is that supposed to be Hylian? What’s she saying?”
Link stopped when he heard a mechanical buzzing sound from the other side followed by paper shuffling. Before he knew it, a paper plane lightly jabbed his cheek, hitting the ground. Picking up the plane, he undid it and examined the note written inside.
You’re making things worse! Stop being a pain and help fix this mess you made!
“Alright alright! I’m going!” Link stammered, raising his arms up and taking steps away so to not look directly inside. Well, if they were that aggressive there, he figured it wasn’t worth the trip to wherever this was.
“So uh… I guess otherworldly beings want me to help you fix this somehow? What if I got a broom and swept up these bits that fell over and you just patched it back up with that?”
“Look I don’t know I just don’t want another table thrown at my face!”
I follow Albie-mun’s lead, and scribble a note on another paper airplane and chuck it at Blue. The handwriting is pretty terrible because I’m not so great with TP Hylian, but hey it was better than trying to translate to WW Hylian or to whatever the heck Light uses.
You boys better stop abusing the Wall before you give the Repairman an aneurysm. Go hold it up or something, and see if you can send the pots and stuff back!
The airplane somehow miraculously manages to glide right into Blue’s head. Blue grumpily bends over to pick it up, reading it as he rubs gingerly at the point of impact. His expression sours as he scans the note.
“Don’t get mad at me, I’m just trying to reign in all the crazy going on here! Everyone’s acting like a flock of newly beheaded cuccos and Light isn’t even being all calm and reasonable like he normally is for once!” he rages, puffing up like- “And gods dammit stop narrating me do you know how weird that sounds?!?!”
A new gap in the Wall tears itself open with a resounding CRACK at Blue’s last statement. The Hero at least has the decency to look sheepish, and quietly mutters to himself as he shakily levitates Albie-mun’s various kitchen supplies- leaving the ruined desk- and pushes them back through the gap in the Wall towards the giant girl with the Triforce shirt. The supplies make a shoop noise as they pass through the barrier, each disappearing with a miniature burst of blue light that tends to accompany Blue’s magic.
Meanwhile, Light and Sparky flailed as they tried to hold the gap together with duct tape. Normally they’d respect that this was the Repairman’s job, but they had never broken the Fourth Wall quite this badly before and there were so many cracks and gaps and holes in the Wall that it really seemed like an “all hands on deck” situation. Besides, once they had it under control the Repairman could just redo their haphazard work with something a bit sturdier.
The Repairman was far too focused on his work to notice the chaos around him just yet. He was, however, starting to notice the siren light (and his headache) intensifying.
It was strange; I could almost see the rift compressing to try and keep within the inkblot’s height. Was that headcanon true…?
I could only stare in astonishment for some time. I never expected the Fourth Wall to be broken from this side, but here we were. I wondered if Ceres was ever going to get proper sleep.
But on to the problem at hand.
I worried that were my muse to look down, he’d endanger the whole Wall. His job. The entire reason he existed. All so he could keep his title as the Fourth Wall Repairman.
Hmm…
Well, I could say there was an Ajax-brand Parachute Anvil still descending from the whirlwind, but that seemed a bit drastic. I didn’t want to mess with the poor blob’s mind through narration, either. Distracting him seemed like a good idea, but with what, and how long could I make that last…?
Ah, well. Maybe it wasn’t him I should distract, but them…
I stopped typing out these thoughts as I saw the Repairman begin to wordlessly shimmy down to where Light and Sparky were helping him out. His eyes did not leave the Wall, but he would have to see the ghosts sometime…
Now or never.
Hoping it would work, I blew as hard as I could, trying to push the ghosts away long enough for the Repairman to get by. He wouldn’t notice the fixed parts of the Wall (remarkably, some of the taping was already fading into it). Luckily, he still seemed deaf to the world around him.
I used his obliviousness to try to speak to the Heroes of Time.
“On’tday etlay imhay eesay ouyay!” I frantically shouted, praying this worked similarly to Hylian. "Evenyay ownay e’llhay ebay ettypray ouchytay. Arefulcay! Arefulcay!“
(Translated from Pig Latin: "Don’t let him see you! Even now he’ll be pretty touchy. Careful! Careful!”)
Siblings-a-Fixin' 