A few moments later, the Repairman came strolling down. He seemed unusually cheerful, bobbing his head from side to side and humming “Who Stole the Kishka” to himself.
“Oh hey,” he called out, waving to Beep, Light, and Albie. “How are you guys—”
He stopped, realizing two things. One, Beepsumu was in a tear in the void, and wasn’t part of this world anyhow. Two, the break in the Wall he was coming to fix was amongst all of them.
“…All right,” he sighed, “what happened?”
//shit, who do I reblog this from?
“Um, I don’t know, but maybe we should be going now…”
//and pass up all this nonsensical fun? Ha!
“Um- I don’t think that’s a good idea!”
//Mun chucks a pile of lit firecrackers into the group. Also, there is a copious lack of chicken dancing going on. Light, entertain me!
“No”
//too bad!
Light starts chicken dancing, as do all the other ghost heroes with aversions to certain bird species.
It was then that Susumu realized she could do anything that she wanted.
“Hey, Misfits! I feel like making a dance group, and you’re gonna join me!”
“Sorry, Susumu, I’d love to, but I’ve gotta fix this tear…”
“TOO LATE”
It wasn’t long before Susumu and the Misfits were back in their Heishi outfits, dancing about to some sort of J-Pop music.
[[Chickens huh this give me an idea, Shalbie hold this]]
“ Why am I holding a Cucco?”
[[Not just any cucco its an angry cucco, that was woken up thanks to Loafus’s attack on Albie, have fun!]]
“Why did you bring an angry cucco into this?”
“ wait I’m a shadow Cuccos can’t harm shadows!”
[[You sure? because look at this little guy over here…]]
“Huh?…”
“clu..clu… Cluck!”
“No way…. AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
both cuccos are now loose
Little did the Repairman know that it wasn’t a nondescript, copyright-free liquor in that bottle, but something from a magic shop from who-knows-where. Were he more willing to inspect the “XXX” label, he would see it was a sticker obscuring the actual name: “Potion of Kiroh Siin”.
After taking a few sips from the brown bottle, the inkblot failed to notice that he wasn’t getting any less sober and a faint bit of mist was emanating from his head.
“Well, here goes.”
And then, somehow, the legless blob thing tripped on his way over to Albie. Upon impact with the ground, he let out an “oof” and a fireball flew from his hand into a nearby wall, adding even MORE fire to the already firecracker-and-bird-infested problem.
Somewhere in the distance, a table giggled to itself.
//Now why didn’t I think of that? Hey boys, the ghosts of cuccos past have a bone to pick with you.
Suddenly, a whole flock of angry ghostly cuccos appear and start chasing after the boys, murder in their beady eyes.
“YOU’VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!”
*high pitched squeak*
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
//Hey Susumu, I think you need confetti canons for your dance group. Here!
*confetti canons poof into existence and start launching enough confetti into the air to put NYC on New Year’s to shame*
Hmm…now the Repairman’s new fire powers seemed kind of… quaint. Now I need some ideas…
Hmmm…
Oh! Suddenly, the Repairman has bird seed mixed in his ink, and retroactively, the potion was laced with Susumu-brand Carrot Pox Poison.
As several of the birds began to pursue and peck at the inkblot, all he saw were several tiny cake mixers trying to stir him away.
He threw fireballs everywhere, trying to scream for help, but all that came out was “CARAMEL STOPWATCHES FLOAT NEAR THAILAND AT 3 PM!!!!”
A few moments later, the Repairman came strolling down. He seemed unusually cheerful, bobbing his head from side to side and humming “Who Stole the Kishka” to himself.
“Oh hey,” he called out, waving to Beep, Light, and Albie. “How are you guys—”
He stopped, realizing two things. One, Beepsumu was in a tear in the void, and wasn’t part of this world anyhow. Two, the break in the Wall he was coming to fix was amongst all of them.
“…All right,” he sighed, “what happened?”
//shit, who do I reblog this from?
“Um, I don’t know, but maybe we should be going now…”
//and pass up all this nonsensical fun? Ha!
“Um- I don’t think that’s a good idea!”
//Mun chucks a pile of lit firecrackers into the group. Also, there is a copious lack of chicken dancing going on. Light, entertain me!
“No”
//too bad!
Light starts chicken dancing, as do all the other ghost heroes with aversions to certain bird species.
It was then that Susumu realized she could do anything that she wanted.
“Hey, Misfits! I feel like making a dance group, and you’re gonna join me!”
“Sorry, Susumu, I’d love to, but I’ve gotta fix this tear…”
“TOO LATE”
It wasn’t long before Susumu and the Misfits were back in their Heishi outfits, dancing about to some sort of J-Pop music.
[[Chickens huh this give me an idea, Shalbie hold this]]
“ Why am I holding a Cucco?”
[[Not just any cucco its an angry cucco, that was woken up thanks to Loafus’s attack on Albie, have fun!]]
“Why did you bring an angry cucco into this?”
“ wait I’m a shadow Cuccos can’t harm shadows!”
[[You sure? because look at this little guy over here…]]
“Huh?…”
“clu..clu… Cluck!”
“No way…. AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
both cuccos are now loose
Little did the Repairman know that it wasn’t a nondescript, copyright-free liquor in that bottle, but something from a magic shop from who-knows-where. Were he more willing to inspect the “XXX” label, he would see it was a sticker obscuring the actual name: “Potion of Kiroh Siin”.
After taking a few sips from the brown bottle, the inkblot failed to notice that he wasn’t getting any less sober and a faint bit of mist was emanating from his head.
“Well, here goes.”
And then, somehow, the legless blob thing tripped on his way over to Albie. Upon impact with the ground, he let out an “oof” and a fireball flew from his hand into a nearby wall, adding even MORE fire to the already firecracker-and-bird-infested problem.
Somewhere in the distance, a table giggled to itself.
A few moments later, the Repairman came strolling down. He seemed unusually cheerful, bobbing his head from side to side and humming “Who Stole the Kishka” to himself.
“Oh hey,” he called out, waving to Beep, Light, and Albie. “How are you guys—”
He stopped, realizing two things. One, Beepsumu was in a tear in the void, and wasn’t part of this world anyhow. Two, the break in the Wall he was coming to fix was amongst all of them.
“…All right,” he sighed, “what happened?”
//shit, who do I reblog this from?
“Um, I don’t know, but maybe we should be going now…”
//and pass up all this nonsensical fun? Ha!
“Um- I don’t think that’s a good idea!”
//Mun chucks a pile of lit firecrackers into the group. Also, there is a copious lack of chicken dancing going on. Light, entertain me!
“No”
//too bad!
Light starts chicken dancing, as do all the other ghost heroes with aversions to certain bird species.
It was then that Susumu realized she could do anything that she wanted.
“Hey, Misfits! I feel like making a dance group, and you’re gonna join me!”
“Sorry, Susumu, I’d love to, but I’ve gotta fix this tear…”
“TOO LATE”
It wasn’t long before Susumu and the Misfits were back in their Heishi outfits, dancing about to some sort of J-Pop music.
He said nothing for a moment, until a mysterious table walked up to him and handed over a card. The Repairman nodded as the table also left a large bottle labeled only “XXX”.
As the table disappeared just as oddly as it had arrived, the inkblot pulled out a yellow rotary phone and began to dial the number he just got.
“…Hello? Is this Cyriak’s Home for the Suddenly Surreal?…Yeah, hi. This is the Fourth Wall Repairman…No, I’m not checking in just yet…Listen, a few friends of mine have suddenly started acting…odd, and I was wondering–Oh? Okay…”
He held the phone up for a moment, so the clerk on the other end could hear everything.
“…So how bad is it?” he asked, after putting it back up against the side of his head. “Oh. I see…no, you’re not getting an address– Look, I can’t just send them there…”
He sighed, and picked up the bottle.
“…I understand,” he finally said. “If I can’t fix this, I’ll call you after the hangover…Yes. Thank you. Yes. Yeah. Yep. Goodbye.”
A few moments later, the Repairman came strolling down. He seemed unusually cheerful, bobbing his head from side to side and humming “Who Stole the Kishka” to himself.
“Oh hey,” he called out, waving to Beep, Light, and Albie. “How are you guys—”
He stopped, realizing two things. One, Beepsumu was in a tear in the void, and wasn’t part of this world anyhow. Two, the break in the Wall he was coming to fix was amongst all of them.
Green couldn’t help giggling when his hand made contact with Inky’s.
He wasn’t sure what exactly he had been expecting the Repairman’s body
to feel like, but it wasn’t that.
“Whoaaa, that is weird!”
he giggled. Suddenly he realized that that might have been offensive,
and rapidly verbally backspaced a clarification. “Not like a bad weird,
though! A good weird! I mean I kinda expected you to feel like a chuchu
but you don’t quite have the right consistency, you feel like sticky
water if that makes any sense? Well I mean I guess ink feels like sticky
water sort of oh hey! My hand is all black now! That’s so neat how do
you do…” Green trailed off, realizing he’d been rambling and was
probably embarrassing Inky or something.
“Uh… sorry. I’ll shut up now.”
“…”
The Repairman was unable to blush, but if he could, he would have gone crimson by this point. As it was, he became runnier than normal, and started to withdraw from Green.
He was not at all used to anyone talking about his form like this. Usually people were indifferent, mistaking him for something else, or weirded out. This excitement was just something that seldom happened.
After a moment, he pulled a Stetson from behind his back and put in on his head. He pulled on the brim until the hat seemed to consume him with a slurping sound before gently landing on the ground.
A muffled “…it’s…okay…” could be heard from the hat after a moment.
“A lot of fun, actually! You have no idea how many things there are that are really hard or impossible to do without a body. Everyone’s off taking advantage of it!”
“Speaking of which… I’m still really curious what you actually feel like…” Green’s finger hovers a few inches from the Repairman’s arm. He’s trying really hard to be polite and not just go and poke him, but solving the mystery is agonizingly tempting.
“Oh, I bet,” the Repairman nodded. Of course, he couldn’t fully understand, not being a ghost himself, but he could definitely imagine it having its issues…
He looked over to see Green apparently playing the “not touching you” game with him. He sighed, shaking his head and smiling. As odd of a request as that was, the Repairman didn’t know how long this was going to last. Status quo and all that.
“There’s probably a less creepy way to ask,” he joked, “but here.”
He wrapped his hand around Green’s. His ink was almost like lukewarm water, but it felt…thicker, almost more solid. And definitely a little stickier; Green was going to have some stains on his hand.
The Repairman blinked in surprise. This was a first. After taking and reading the note, however, his confusion melted into plain ol’ happiness.
The inkblot’s clothespin “neck” sagged as he later taped a note to the same spot.
“Sure it’s not…” it read, in rather poor chicken-scratch, “But, seriously, thank you! I love the charm, and I’m wearing it on a pin labeled ‘neck’ now! Besides, the destruction is nothing I haven’t seen before. Thank you for considering me! -‘Inky’”
Sparky “hmmed” at the Repairman’s remarks on the power of the Spirit Tracks.
“Oh, I should hope so! They were built to hold this terrible demon prisoner, like chains. The Tower of Spirits is the lock- although it’s a moot point now, Zelda and I defeated the demon for good!” he tried not to preen, really, but he did have every right to be proud of his and Zelda’s accomplishment. “Anyways, the tracks provide this sort of background protective energy for New Hyrule. It’s been… a good 1500 or so years since my adventure, and we haven’t had any monsters lurking around since then. Well… actually they’re starting to crop up again, probably ‘cause the curse finally reawakened. Anyways, we actually still use the Spirit Tracks for traveling! We just had to build some additional non-magical ones to accommodate stuff I said before.”
Green quirked his head at the sight of Inky’s pet. That was a strange creature! Suddenly a yellow blur zoomed in from out of nowhere, twirling around the ghostly heroes before floating before the Toon and his pet, giving a shy wave.
“Oh! Ah, Inky, this is Buttercup. I think she’s interested in your friend there.”
“Hello!” the yellow Luma waved.
“She’s a companion that keeps us company while we’re here, sort of like the fairies and others that accompanied us on our adventures. We adopted her from a friend some time ago.” Vio explained, since Lumas weren’t exactly native to this particular Nintendo ‘verse.
“Hehe, hi Buttercup!” Sparky giggled. “Well, anyways Inky, this porch thing here is the original Whittleton train station. Maybe the Spirit Tracks protected it or something, because it’s not a reconstruction like the rest of Ancient Whittleton! It did have to be moved a good 20 feet from its original location though. The newer trains are wider and move much faster than the ones I drove, and since it wasn’t in service anymore it was a bit of a safety hazard having it so close to the tracks.” he explained, and then noticed a train coming towards them.
“Whoa, watch out!” he called, snatching the whirling Luma from the air and pulling her back before the train could pass them. “Be careful Buttercup!” he scolded “You’re tiny and get caught up in the airstream real easily, stay in the station, ok?”
“Eeeep!” Buttercup squeaked in alarm. Her cheeks turned even rosier at Sparky’s scolding, and she drooped slightly. “Sorry Sparky, I forgot to check…”
“Oh, wow,” the Repairman replied, impressed by this story. “That’s something…”
His thoughts were interrupted by a small yellow blur. Seeing that it was a Luma, he gave a somewhat surprised wave and an “er, hi, Buttercup…”
Cat Slime squeaked a greeting, waving with one of his “ears”.
“Huh,” the Repairman said, giving an appreciative look at the station. “I bet it would–”
His train of thought was interrupted when the actual train sped past them, causing him to spin around in a whirlwind of ink for a few seconds.
When he stopped, he was quite understandably dazed for a moment or two. His eyes were white spirals, and he had a hard time keeping his balance. Cat Slime rushed over, trying to help keep him steady. After finally straightening out, the Repairman saw that his siren light was blinking. And felt his hammerspace was a lot lighter.
He looked towards the train as it chuffed away. His cart apparently got snagged onto the side. Miraculously, the toolboxes were still hanging onto it, but unfortunately, the blue one was still open…
Ugh.
“Oh, really?” he said, exasperated. “Just when I got another job, too…”
“Wait, did you say you see people there? Let me see!”
Link walked past Sparky as he was pulled away, curiousity getting the best of him. He did end up seeing the three people on the other side. Their faces were hard to make out, but something caught his attention in one of them.
“H-Hey! The big one back there’s got the triforce on her clothes! What kind of–”
Before the hero could finish his question, a frying pan was thrown at his face. Thinking quick, Link ducked down, narrowly avoiding disaster. Before he knew it, there were an array of pots, pans, cutting boards, dishes, and the like being chucked at the hero in particular.
“This isn’t a joke you know you can kill–”
“Oh goddesses!”
Link had to jump out of the way to dodge the incoming wooden work desk. It broke into pieces once it struck the ground. Albie looked up to the crack in the wall, his face going pale as he heard the other shout in a strange language.
“What the heck… Is that supposed to be Hylian? What’s she saying?”
Link stopped when he heard a mechanical buzzing sound from the other side followed by paper shuffling. Before he knew it, a paper plane lightly jabbed his cheek, hitting the ground. Picking up the plane, he undid it and examined the note written inside.
You’re making things worse! Stop being a pain and help fix this mess you made!
“Alright alright! I’m going!” Link stammered, raising his arms up and taking steps away so to not look directly inside. Well, if they were that aggressive there, he figured it wasn’t worth the trip to wherever this was.
“So uh… I guess otherworldly beings want me to help you fix this somehow? What if I got a broom and swept up these bits that fell over and you just patched it back up with that?”
“Look I don’t know I just don’t want another table thrown at my face!”
I follow Albie-mun’s lead, and scribble a note on another paper airplane and chuck it at Blue. The handwriting is pretty terrible because I’m not so great with TP Hylian, but hey it was better than trying to translate to WW Hylian or to whatever the heck Light uses.
You boys better stop abusing the Wall before you give the Repairman an aneurysm. Go hold it up or something, and see if you can send the pots and stuff back!
The airplane somehow miraculously manages to glide right into Blue’s head. Blue grumpily bends over to pick it up, reading it as he rubs gingerly at the point of impact. His expression sours as he scans the note.
“Don’t get mad at me, I’m just trying to reign in all the crazy going on here! Everyone’s acting like a flock of newly beheaded cuccos and Light isn’t even being all calm and reasonable like he normally is for once!” he rages, puffing up like- “And gods dammit stop narrating me do you know how weird that sounds?!?!”
A new gap in the Wall tears itself open with a resounding CRACK at Blue’s last statement. The Hero at least has the decency to look sheepish, and quietly mutters to himself as he shakily levitates Albie-mun’s various kitchen supplies- leaving the ruined desk- and pushes them back through the gap in the Wall towards the giant girl with the Triforce shirt. The supplies make a shoop noise as they pass through the barrier, each disappearing with a miniature burst of blue light that tends to accompany Blue’s magic.
Meanwhile, Light and Sparky flailed as they tried to hold the gap together with duct tape. Normally they’d respect that this was the Repairman’s job, but they had never broken the Fourth Wall quite this badly before and there were so many cracks and gaps and holes in the Wall that it really seemed like an “all hands on deck” situation. Besides, once they had it under control the Repairman could just redo their haphazard work with something a bit sturdier.
The Repairman was far too focused on his work to notice the chaos around him just yet. He was, however, starting to notice the siren light (and his headache) intensifying.
It was strange; I could almost see the rift compressing to try and keep within the inkblot’s height. Was that headcanon true…?
I could only stare in astonishment for some time. I never expected the Fourth Wall to be broken from this side, but here we were. I wondered if Ceres was ever going to get proper sleep.
But on to the problem at hand.
I worried that were my muse to look down, he’d endanger the whole Wall. His job. The entire reason he existed. All so he could keep his title as the Fourth Wall Repairman.
Hmm…
Well, I could say there was an Ajax-brand Parachute Anvil still descending from the whirlwind, but that seemed a bit drastic. I didn’t want to mess with the poor blob’s mind through narration, either. Distracting him seemed like a good idea, but with what, and how long could I make that last…?
Ah, well. Maybe it wasn’t him I should distract, but them…
I stopped typing out these thoughts as I saw the Repairman begin to wordlessly shimmy down to where Light and Sparky were helping him out. His eyes did not leave the Wall, but he would have to see the ghosts sometime…
Now or never.
Hoping it would work, I blew as hard as I could, trying to push the ghosts away long enough for the Repairman to get by. He wouldn’t notice the fixed parts of the Wall (remarkably, some of the taping was already fading into it). Luckily, he still seemed deaf to the world around him.
I used his obliviousness to try to speak to the Heroes of Time.
“On’tday etlay imhay eesay ouyay!” I frantically shouted, praying this worked similarly to Hylian. "Evenyay ownay e’llhay ebay ettypray ouchytay. Arefulcay! Arefulcay!“
(Translated from Pig Latin: "Don’t let him see you! Even now he’ll be pretty touchy. Careful! Careful!”)
Siblings-a-Fixin' 