“Okay,” the Repairman finally said, looking at the mind-swapped duo. “I do think I have some things we can try…”
He began wringing his hands. If he had feet, they’d be shuffling awkwardly. He’d never tried anything like this before, but it was a common enough trope that he would at least be able to do something, he hoped.
“…Ready?” he finally asked, his uneasy gaze shifting between the two.
“Poe guy. It’s me. I’m Link. Don’t ask me how but I woke up looking like this and we can’t change back. I don’t think you have any answers do you?”
“...Oh!”
The Repairman believed this pretty easily. Not only was it a common thing in Toontown and related universes, but Link thought he was a Poe. The shopkeep thought he was a choo choo or something.
“All right, do you remember anything before this happened…?”
He racked his brains, trying to recollect the common ways something like this happened. If he could find the cause, the remedy should be easier. Stood to reason…
Link suddenly jolted to his feet and picked up a few utensils from
the kitchen counter before returning to his seat. He looked down to the
fork, knife, and spoon in his hand before putting two and two together.
“You… Want me to eat, too? Everything they cooked?”
//Ye//
“I mean… Okay, I guess.”
Mostly
curious about the mystery dish he helped prepare, he used his fork to
dig in. Though he was surprised to feel it against his fork. Actually,
it was kind of fun. It sprang back under pressure and wobbled against
any movement. Once Repairman split it in half, the gold colored yolk of
the egg white cloud spilled onto the plate and began to pool on the
surface. Though, judging by the texture and consistency, it wasn’t just
yolk in there. That’s when he picked up the first bite. The whites
absorbed a bit of yolk like a sponge, and once the food touched his
tongue there was a burst of flavor.
“…
It melts in your mouth, but the taste still hangs around in your mouth
afterwards. It’s like… How would I explain it to you guys?” Link glanced
up to the ghosts, trying to think of a way to explain all he could
taste to people who lost that sense some time ago. “The yolk part is
really creamy and cheesy. Honestly, a little goes a long way. But the
whites are super fluffy and collapses in your tongue. It’s not as strong
as the sauce inside, but it’s got all the flavor from the herbs,
vegetables, and mushrooms from earlier and that’s still enough to keep
it going. Not a bite is bland or out of place. Weird, it’s definitely
nothing like anything I’ve ever had in my life, but…”
“In
a strange way, it’s still a lot of fun to eat. I was kinda scared it
would be something pretentious like at the castle judging by the books
that weirdo ends up falling asleep with. But it feels like home cooking
still even with all the changes and such. If I had to put it simply,
it’s like eating eggs the way Misses makes it in the morning, but
there’s just so much more going on in your mouth in both texture and
flavor that you can’t help but keep eating. And even when you keep
eating it doesn’t make you feel bloated like a lot of the food you get
in Hyrule castle. Sorry, I’m probably not doing the best job of this,
but it’s delicious, and I could eat this all day.”
Link set down his fork and let the Repairman continue eating the meal that was given to him.
“Anyways, I’m ready to chow down on whatever Twilight and Bowyetta made. It smells amazing in here and I’m drooling!”
“Yes! Youwillbeneedingofforksandknivesand-” Bowyetta suddenly shook several pieces of silverware out of her hair handing them over to Mr. Sir and Link. “Youmustbetryingofthis-”
Vinny, however, looked concerned by Bowyetta’s behavior. “Bowyetta, maybe you should eat something too… You’re not acting like yourself…”
“NonoBowyettaisnotbeingableto-”
It was then that Bowyetta suddenly coughed up quite a bit of smoke. Her face turned dark blue once she realized what had happened. This only happened when her internal fire started to get low…
“Now that Bowyetta is thinking about it, maybe she should be having of some. But, she will be waiting until sirs are finished first.”
The Repairman, being rather self-conscious about his blobby form, refrained from making a mouth for himself, instead opting to “absorb” the food where his mouth would be.
He made it a point to keep his plate away from the table. You never knew…
In any case, the Repairman and Cat Slime both smiled as they ate their share of the egg…thing (Cat Slime more so). It was melt-in-your-mouth, and quite flavorful!
They both tried dipping a bit into some queso, which the inkblot definitely enjoyed. Cat Slime, however, felt his cheeks turn red as the sound of a steaming kettle could be heard. He made a mad dash for the toolbox, where he proceeded to drink some water out of a seltzer bottle for a minute. The Repairman couldn’t help but chuckle a little at this.
The two were about to start on the omurice when Bowyetta coughed up smoke.
“…Are you okay, Bowyetta? You need to…?”
Cat Slime, however, wasted no time in rushing back to the toolbox and pulling out a large cookie jar. One with a variety of locks and chains on it. He handed it to the Repairman.
“Gotta make sure he doesn’t eat all of them at once,” the Repairman explained, his hands becoming a blur as he opened the jar. “Anyway, uh, here.”
Link looked up from the oven and turned to face his cartoon friend.
“Huh?”
“Oh, hey! You’re the carpenter poe from before!”
“Wait he’s gonna decide on– ACK!”
Link
stumbled forward, suddenly being jolted back to the oven. Keeping a
towel on hand he pulled out the pan from the stovetop and used a rubber
spatula to carefully slip the dish out of place and place it on the
center of a clean plate. It didn’t seem like the little hero was done.
Still using the heat in the pan, he wiped the surface dry with the towel
and began reheating the vegetables from earlier. The little hero began
fidgeting with the plate, arranging things until everything was just
right. A plate was set on the table followed by clean utensils, a
napkin, and a mug of water. The plates weren’t exactly up to par,
clearly showing age, but they would do for now.
What the
repairman was left with was… honestly rather underwhelming. It looked
like a cloud on a plate, the edges showing slight browning from the
heat, The vegetables, despite being vibrant, didn’t really add much to
the party. And even as the little hero sprinkled a drizzle of olive oil,
salt, and chopped herbs on top, it didn’t really up the wow factor like
the others.
Link slumped onto a nearby chair as what he assumed
to be a curse eventually wore off. The boy let out a shaky sigh, slowly
sitting himself upright as he looked to the dish. He blinked, then
looked between the whiteboard and plate of food.
“Wait that’s it? Really? It looks so plain! I thought you could do something more, I don’t know, showy!”
Link tilted the plate around, looking for some kind of glitz and glam. But it really was just… something.
“So uh… What is this supposed to be anyways? It’s still good, right?”
There was a long pause as Link stared at the white board, waiting for some kind of response. Eventually, the words appeared.
//I’unno.//
“… What?”
//I mean someone probably has a name for it but I’m not one of those people//
“You’re telling me I worked on something like a possessed lunatic and you have no idea what the dish is even called?”
//Ye//
“Do you even know what you’re doing at all!? Don’t tell me you were just making the recipe up as you went along!”
//AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA//
“I honestly can’t believe you’re not even taking your own contest seriously… You even picked the main ingredient yourself.”
//Just shut up and eat it so we can get this over with. Break it open and maybe Repairman will like what he sees.//
Upon seeing that Link had finished, Bowyetta’s eyes started to shine oddly. She felt a spark of… Something in her chest. “We must be finishing much quickly!” She poured the cooked onions into the rice and gave it a quick stir before she started frying the eggs.
She couldn’t explain it, whether it was the music or her desire to make something good for her friends, but somehow she felt a sudden burst of energy. The eggs cooked rather quickly, and once she was certain they were perfect she poured the rice in on top of them. Now came the tricky part. She had to be very careful folding the egg over onto the plate. After giving it some thought, she added some extra sauce on top of the egg, drawing in her best attempt at a rose.
“MrSirpleasetobetryingofwhatBowyettaishavingmade”
Twilight came back inside through the door to get a couple of plates and small bowls from Art’s kitchen. Retreating once more through the door, he scooped about half of the brisket, egg, vegetables, and cheese mixture onto one plate, and the other half on the other. He similarly divided the queso equally into each of the bowls, and set them on the plate as well. Twilight set one of the plates next to the doorstep, and turned to wink at Brown. Since he was still a shade, the wink looked like one glowing eye going out and quickly relighting. “I could hear your stomach growling the whole time. I’m sure you can fit behind your wall, you know.”
Brown squeaked a little in delight, and cast a small spell to move the plate to one end of the magic wall, and to pour the queso from the bowl all over the machaca. The happy ghost wasted no time in shifting to his dragon form, and although it was a tight squeeze he did indeed fit behind his illusion wall. The large black dragon lowered his head to the plate and in one bite, devoured the delicious food. “Twilight you’re the best I love you thank you!!!” he thought at his friend in gratitude.
Twilight’s shade appeared to be grinning as he reentered the house, this time carrying his entry in their little contest. He picked up a fork and knife from the little kitchen and set the plate and utensils down on the table. Clearly, the other two had decided that Inky would be the judge, so he addressed the ink blot with a small wave. “Here ya go, Inky! Just take the queso and dump it all over the rest, you’ll think ya died and went to food heaven!”
By now, the poor inkblot was sweating something fierce. A Mun-puppeteered Link, Bowyetta’s scary face, and suddenly being thrust into a cooking contest was quite a bit to take in.
“Aha… I don’t know if I can…”
And then his stomach audibly (and visibly) rumbled. Softly, yes, but enough to notice. The Repairman looked back up sheepishly.
“…Well… all right. But whose should I start with…?”
They all smelled and looked pretty good. How was he going to choose a favorite…?
Suddenly, Cat Slime leaped out of the Repairman’s hammerspace, and was about to dive into the queso when the inkblot caught him, pulling him back.
“No,” he scolded. Then he noticed his pet’s saddened expression and sighed. “…Wait your turn. You might be able to help me here…”
Cat Slime squeaked happily at this, picking an empty spot at the table to sit at.
Twilight decided to ignore the insanity of the kitchen and just take
the bacon grease he was handed. He also took a small piece of parchment
paper and shook out some salt and pepper onto it, and retreated back
through the door with his spoils. On the way he had to dodge a few
flying onions, but he managed to escape unscathed.
Once outside,
he took his pan and added some of the bacon grease to it. Once it had
heated up, he added in his tomatoes and onions, sautéing them until they
were soft. Twilight separated out about a third of the mixture and
transferred it to the pot, then added the jalapeños and green chiles to
both the pot and the pan. Into the pan went the shredded brisket, and
into the pot went most of the shredded cheese and the milk. A good
sprinkling of salt and pepper was added to season the brisket mixture.
Back
and forth, and back and forth he went, stirring each until the brisket
was heated and well mixed with the veggies, and the queso was melted and
creamy. He moved the queso to the edge of the grill, close enough for
the flames to keep it warm but far enough that it wouldn’t burn. The
shade-turned-chef cracked a few eggs into the brisket, and quickly
scrambled them with the mixture, and finally added the last of the
cheese, waiting for it to melt.
Brown’s mouth was watering at the
smell of all this delicious food, and he momentarily lamented the fact
that he wouldn’t be able to eat it, being dead and all. Maybe he could
get a little taste as a dragon? No no, that was a terrible idea, he was a
rather large dragon and would most definitely cause a panic. Alas!
The Repairman gasped, looking at Bowyetta wide-eyed as she brought attention to him. He gave a very wary wave.
He
was thoroughly doomed, he knew. He was part of this mun-ipulated crowd
now. It was only a matter of time before a table appeared…
He took a minute to look at his new fate. Wait. There was less chaos
in the house this time? Sure, that Link kid looked the worse for wear,
but even he seemed better than last time. And it actually smelled pretty
good around here, with more pleasant aromas coming from outside.
Apparently Twilight was doing something as well.
He had to
know what was happening. Maybe it would be safe, or maybe this was a
mun-set trap. In any case, he was stuck here; he realized just how
famished he was, and the Wall breaks were all in or around Albie’s house.
“So,” he called out, trying to sound casual, “What are you guys up to?”
As Bowyetta lost composure, the hand returned and pushed the window
open. This time, however, it seemed to be attempting to forcefuly push
something in. Something colorful and plastic. Eventually, the object
flopped onto the wooden floor with a sudden thump. An inflatable kiddie
pool? The pale, long, disembodied arm returned once more, this time with
a plastic drinking hose. It snaked to the bottom of the makeshift pool,
coming to a stop once secured. There was a faint creaking sound
followed by clean flowing water that filled the bottom. The hand
beckoned to Bowyetta, though it didn’t seem like she could see anything.
Maybe she was panicking. It tapped a violet painted nail in thought
before eventually snapping in realization. It swiped the blackboard from
the counter, faint scribbles heard on the other side. When it came
back, there was a message written in big letters for the robot girl.
Unlike the others this was adorned with hearts and sparkles, maybe even a
crude puppy doodle of some kind.
//Bowyetta you’re doing great! Don’t worry about everyone else and cook. I love omurice!//
The hand began banging loudly on the counter before sinking back to where it came from.
“Hang on. If this is a contest why are you helping her?”
//Don’t take your eyes off the bowl you’re gonna scramble the eggs! Keep whisking!//
“At least let me catch my brea–”
“WAH!”
As
Link continued to cause a scene and cry out in distress, progress was
being made much against the boy’s will. Step by step, leeks were being
chopped, mushrooms diced, bacon fried, cheeses grated, and herbs minced.
Eventually, the little hero was looking at board of that, despite the
chaos of it all, was neatly wiped clean of any stray bits of food and
had been organized into neat piles. Not too far off was a gold colored
liquid that had been thickened enough to stick lightly onto even the
metal bowl. His hands moved on his own as he took a pinch of herbs, a
generous amount of cheese, salt, and a splash of cream. Link wasn’t used
to the vigorous movement, and he felt like his arms were going to pop
off at the joints as he whisked like never before. Eventually he raised
up the whisk, watching as the sauce came down a thick, steady ribbon.
Setting down the bowl, Link hurried to the drawers and began digging
around for something to cool this off in. There was an underused cake
pan. Perfect.
The little hero skid to a stop in front of the table
and slammed the pan down in front of him. There was a pause, and a
rather long one as the boy felt he had gained control of his body once
more.
“Oh goddesses have mercy on me… What– What happened why did you stop?”
//I forgot you don’t have a fridge.//
“I–What?”
//Nothing just… We have to get this cold and solid. And asap.//
“Cold huh? Will an ice rod work.”
//If you ruin this I swear I’ll make your life hell//
“Geez take it easy! I’m not gonna drop this!”
The
little hero swung his ice rod in an arc, sending a chilling blast to
the pan. Though he was careful with his movements and force this time.
Judging by how his body was being forced and pushed to move this fast he
was terrified of what others were in store if something went wrong. The
sauce solidified as the temperature rapidly dropped, eventually
becoming dense enough to cut.
//Okay back to work. Hurry before the espuma melts!//
The
little hero let out a surprised yelp as his body was being flung wildly
around the small kitchen. He began beating the whites rapidly until
they began to get foamy and pale.
“My wrist my wrist my wrist my wrist my wrist– What are we even making you haven’t told me yet!”
//Magic//
Bowyetta took a moment to look over at Red. “B-Bowyetta cannot be calming down!” She stammered. “How you are that much done already?! Bowyetta has not even cooked her rice yet and- EEEK!”
Bowyetta jumped at the sudden noise, very nearly spilling rice everywhere. Her eyes darted around the room, and she was about to fire an arrow in the noise’s direction, when suddenly she caught sight of the blackboard. Her eyes widened, and she put the arrow down on the counter. “T-This is really being for Bowyetta?” She didn’t know where it had come from, but she was happy someone was cheering for her.
Vinny gave a quick tug on Bowyetta’s hair to get her attention. “Look at this, Bowyetta~! Whoever it was, it looks like they brought you some water for your rice~!” The arrows picked up the hose, and siphoned some of the water from the pool into Bowyetta’s pot.
Bowyetta struck an arrow on her body, and carefully place him under the pot. “Please to be staying there while the rice is cooking,” she instructed him, before picking up her knife to chop the onions. As she did so, a couple of arrows had already broken two eggs into a bowl, and took spoon into their mouths to beat them.
Vinny now noticed Link’s screaming, and realized that might have been what caused Bowyetta’s panic before. He reached into Bowyetta’s hair and produced what appeared to be a radio. “Excuse me, Miss Eclair~!” he called upward. “Would you mind if I put on some music~? I think Bowyetta might have though Mr. Link was in danger, and it might help keep her calm…”
The ghost heroes stared at the chaos unfolding in the kitchen with varied expressions. Time’s was deadpan, as if he were watching an average person walking down the road. But, he had seen and experienced nearly everything imaginable by that point, so he was rather hard to surprise. Most of the others had more puzzled or baffled expressions, however.
Meanwhile outside, Twilight was happily roasting the chiles away above the flames. His other vegetables were already diced and ready to cook, and the brisket and cheese were shredded. He hummed happily to himself, making sure to keep himself as quiet as possible so as to not attract attention to Brown’s illusion. Were a person to stand by the road in front of Art’s house, they would see only his front wall and door. Brown had projected a picture of the scene onto a magical three-sided wall that left a good ten feet between it and Art’s actual house. The brunet hero was also standing guard just behind the wall, just in case he needed to use a subtle spell to influence any passerby to continue walking. Or perhaps he was just enjoying the smell of roasted chiles.
Twilight turned the chiles over to roast the other side. He wanted the skin browned and puckering. Luckily for him, as a shade he really couldn’t feel pain or be injured, so he could turn the chiles with his bare hands. Which was great, because Mini hadn’t brought him tongs or something similar. Luckily for whoever was judging, though he looked like a corpse with glowing eyes, he was more accurately a magical construct with a frightening form and therefore had no germs or other nasty things on his hands. He continued this for about another ten minutes, then removed them from the fire and started to clean them.
Once again, he was lucky he couldn’t feel pain. Capsaicin was not pleasant stuff to have all over your hands, but there wasn’t really a better way to remove the skin, stems, and seeds from all the chiles. He quickly cut up the jalapeños and chiles into short strips, then separated about a third of all the vegetables into a separate pile. He looked around his setup, then huffed slightly. If he had had lips, he would have pursed them in annoyance. Getting up from the ground, he went to the door and opened it, sticking his head inside the house. He stared momentarily at the other two shrieking chefs before raising his voice to ask anyone who would listen “Is there any chance Art has some bacon grease in his kitchen? Or cooking oil I guess? I’d even settle for butter.”
The Repairman found that a lot of issues were happening in a familiar universe. As he hauled his cart over there, humming “Turkey in the Straw”, he was shocked to find that familiar people were involved, too. Including a couple of real people… Oh, no. No. Not again. No. He was not going to be part of someone’s sick little game this time. But he did have a job to do, and it looked like he was going to have a crisis on his hands if he didn’t take care of it soon… He just hoped he could skirt by all these apparently confused, frantic and scared friends of his without being noticed. He’d see if he could help with recovery. As he slowly moved past them, he failed to notice one of the wheels of his cart squeaking…
“WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER GUY!? WHAT IS THIS PLACE!? ARE YOU A KIDNAPPER!?”
(Table just let me borrow you for–)
“STOP LOOKING AT ME IT’S JUST GOING TO BREAK MORE!”
(Okay, okay! I’m going. Look you won’t be able to see me! Just for god’s sake put the microphone down! Tech equipment is expensive!)
The writer slid down under the chairs and tried her best to get out of the inkblot’s line of sight.
Meanwhile, the repairman stared around the room, wondering where he was or what kind of sick joke this was. Didn’t his owner have better things to work on? It took a while, but he at least calmed himself enough to put the microphone back in place. He stood around silently, fumbling with his hands a moment before speaking up.
“So um.. Can I go now? I kind of have a lot of work so…”
(Look just talk a bit about yourself or something into the mic. I don’t know, give Table something to read! Then you can go back to doing whatever you were in the middle of. And uh, don’t worry. No other characters are listening. It’s just you and me.)
The cartoon stopped, reaching up for the staff and moving the mic to mouth level (or at least where it would be if the artist had drawn it in). The ink blot stared around, taking off his hat and rubbing his head in thought for a moment.
“Oh, okay I guess… Well, I’m the Fourth Wall Repairman. Though I’ve got a couple of nicknames. Inky, Mr. Sir, Hey Get Back Here And Give Me Your Wallet Punk… Anyways, so sometimes, characters sometimes slip up and bring up things or subjects or even phrases that just don’t belong in the universe. And these instances can make these really big ugly cracks in the wall where other people are watching. In some cases, they’re so massive they leave gaping holes. Those are not very fun to fix… Actually they’re a huge pain, sometimes they take over a week to fill.”
The repairman put his hat on his head, large white eyes fixated on the audience ahead. There really were a lot of faces…
“Anyways, I know the job isn’t all that glamorous, but trust me when I say you meet some really interesting characters, even a handful of big names and celebrities! So I wouldn’t say the work is that bad. And over eighty years of this work? Let me tell you, you get some real interesting stories. And every step of the way I got my tool cart on hand,” he added, gesturing to the supply case on wheels not too far away. “It’s got everything you can ask for and more. I can repair just about anything! So um… I guess that’s all I can really say. So… Can I please go now?”
((So, how’d it go?)) “…” ((Oh, come on, it wasn’t THAT bad. I saw!)) “Why’d you ask, then?” ((I meant how you felt…Surely, SOMETHING good came of it.)) “…I guess I got a nice hat out of all this…” ((There you go; that’s something!)) “…Did that lady have to tell everyone about that one time, though? The wallet thing was an accident! How was I to know it belonged to someone?!” ((It was dropped like four seconds before you took it…)) “…That’s like an hour in three-minute cartoons!…Now, if you excuse me, I have a job to do, Mr. Totally-Innocuous-Animated-Table…”
Link continued to flail and fight like the child he was, determined
to fight this scary monster and show all the other grown ups he was
tough. But eventually the Repairman managed to pry the small boy off and
speak. Albie tried to reach over, but was too small and short to do
much else other than wave his arms around uselessly. His movements died
down when the Repairman mentioned something about a friend. What weird
thing had happened? Other than this right here he couldn’t think of
anything.
Once Link was back on his feet, he decided to hear this
guy out, curious as to what he would do next. Well, if even a monster
needed help, he supposed he could try what he could.
The Repairman turned to see that Link followed him. Ah, well, not like he was in any apparent danger.
The Repairman opened his blue toolbox, and there was the sound of clutter being moved aside before…
“A-Ha!…Wait, no, Cat Slime–”
Furious squeaking could be heard, along with the sound of even more clutter being flung around. A dictionary hit the inkblot in the face, and he flew back, landing against the wall of Balbie’s house.
“Ugh…” he groaned, rubbing his head. He marched back to the toolbox, and looked into it, hands on hips. “You know you’re not supposed to hoard all of those. I just need one cookie, c’mon.“
Thwap.
The Repairman turned around, with a chocolate-chip cookie on his forehead and a fairly annoyed expression on his face. He peeled it off, making sure there was no ink on it before handing it to the kid.
“…Here.”
Cat Slime popped out, giving his master a mild stinkeye. Then he saw Balbie, and his eyes widened with curiosity.
“It’s a monster!” Link jumped up on his feet and ran for the supposed Poe before him. The boy took his soup ladle and began bapping the repairman over the head repetitively. “Spooky Poe monster you gotta go cause mama and papa don’t like no good thieves and liars!”
“Ow! Hey! Stop it!”
Ripples went over the top of the Repairman’s inky scalp as it was repeatedly struck with a ladle. Finally, he grabbed at it, not trying to snatch it from Baby Albie (“Balbie”, if you will), but just holding it in place.
“Look,” the inkblot said, exasperated, “I’m no monster. I was just coming over because a friend said something weird happened…”
He was tempted to add “…and clearly it did,” but thought better of it. That would just make things worse; clearly the kid had no memory prior to this. Instead, he gave a friendly smile and began to move for his tool cart, which was parked right outside.
“Hang on a sec…”
He just hoped Cat Slime wouldn’t mind…
Siblings-a-Fixin' 