This guy’s a smart thinker, I thought, as he pulled out his cap and box.

Stupid nudged me as the Nega-blob opened the door. “He’s scary!” Stupid whispered, “and he smells like vinegar!”

I guess that had to do with the…. what, was he made of play doh? It looked like he wasn’t made of ink and paint, but like he was the thrown out project a kid made in summer camp.

Greasy smoothed the Breaker over, because he saw us and eyed us suspiciously. “We’re bodyguards. He’s carrying valuable stuff.”

“This better be good,” the Breaker growled, “I’m missing my marathon of ‘Dynasty’!”

“It’ll be good!” Psycho giggled. “You’ll be REALLY surprised.”

-Smartass

The Repairman handed the box over to the Breaker (who was such a lazy, pathetic knockoff that he didn’t even call himself Fourth Wall Vandal).

“Jes’ check da package,” he said, ignoring the Breaker’s indignity, “and we can move dis along.”

The Breaker knew he had a box cutter on the table but…that was pretty far. A whole six feet away.

“All right,” he muttered, as he began to peel the tape off, “I did want that automated remote control…”

He stopped to rattle the box. Oddly, it sounded like something was in it, despite it being empty. Curious, he continued peeling, hoping he would finally find that remote, so he would never have to press a button again.